A New Chapter In My Life: Desert Plain- PART 2

Riverview Bible Camp was probably one of the best experiences I’ve ever had the chance to enjoy. It was a week to remember, a marking point in my life, and the beggining of a new me, a new Bekah.
This Bekah loved herself for who she was, flaws and all. She saw that she was created for a reason. She knew that there was not a person on this earth that could tell her she isnt beautiful. She had seen the light. After years and years of feeling ugly and fat, she finally felt worth while, beautiful.
After camp, I came home a new, refreshed and revived person. I felt like I was on top of the world. I wished I could have stayed at that camp, with all my friends forever. All the things that had happened there, everything that i saw and realized, I didnt ever want to leave.
Robert and I stayed in touch. I ended up going over to his apparentment to go swimming and hang out, I brought Hillary, my best friend along. From that day one, with the exception of the week he went to BMX camp, we hung out all the time. First it was like once a week, then a couple times a week. Within a month we were hanging out almost everyday. I went with him to football practice everyday, we hung out at his house, we swam in the pool, and every once in a while we would go to my house, or a friends.
Somewhere in the craziness, I found out I would be moving to Idaho at the very begining of October. It broke my heart.
August came and almost completely passes us by. It was like time had no effect on us. Everyday we spent together, the more I fell in love with that silly boy. On the 24th we started dating, despite the fact that i was moving. I told him I rather have him for a little while, then never at all.
 My birthday rolled around, the 29th, and I invited Krissy, Hillary, Emma, and of course Robert to my sleep over. We had tons of fun playing American Idol and Guitar Hero for the Wii. Robert made banana smoothies.
Robert and I went outside to talk for a couple minutes, while the girls where hanging out in my livingroom. We talked about me moving to Idaho, then we started talking about me and him. One thing led to another, and we had a magical first kiss. The spark make my heart pound so hard you could hear it a mile away. The stars seemed to shine brighter, and the moon up in the night sky seemed to smile down on us. I felt so happy. All I could do was look at his beautiful face, and smile. I can see that night in my mind, just like it had happened yesterday. I couldnt believe this was really happening, I always thought I wouldnt find love until I was older. Turns out, love found me instead.
We continued to hang out together everyday, growing stronger in our love. I felt like I was living inside a wonderful dream, and I prayed that no one would ever wake me up. I became part of his family. I was over at his house everyday. His mom started calling me her daughter, and his little sister Gabby adopted me as her big sis. I felt so welcomed and loved there, like at a home away from home. His mom even offered to let me move in with them, so I wouldnt have to go to Idaho with my family. If my family didnt mean so much to me, I would have excepted her offer, without any second thoughts.
The love that Robert and I shared was so strong. I knew I could love him for the rest of my life, and if things started going downhill, I wouldnt give up without a fight. I’d fight for love any day, especially his love. His love was warm and passionate, it showed in everything he did. Sometimes I thought it was too good to be true, but then he would kiss me, and I knew that he loved me.
My time in Oregon was drawing to a close, way too fast for me to handle. I ignored it, and kept loving Robert without worrying about what was about to happen. I didnt ever want to let go. I didnt want to believe I really, truely had to leave my life behind, or leave the love of my life behind. I never gave myself time to really except that I had to go. I just kept ignoring it until the last minute. I kept telling myself that everything would be ok, and it wouldnt be long until I could come back home.
My last day in Tigard, Oregon is a day I will never forget. I think its the last day anyone could ever wish for. Robert’s mom let Robert skip school to come hang out with me, and help me do some last minute stuff around the house. We washed the van, had a mini water fight, planted things in the garden, ran errands, and had a paint fight. That paint fight was the funniest thing ever. We were painting a peice of siding on our house, to match the rest of the house. I had some paint on my hand, and he wasnt wearing a shirt :). I’m sure you can see where this was going. I wiped the paint on his arm, and then, it was war. By the the time we were done, we were both covered in paint.
The water from the hose ran ice cold. My dad saw us covered in paint, and just laughed saying, “you were supposed to paint the house, not each other!” We wash off outside, in the backyard, then went inside to warm up.
After a few minutes, my mom put as back to work. Our mission was to get the kitchen walls clean, by any means necessary. We had sponges, and some cleaner, and my moms iPod and Bose speakers to listen to. Of course, Rober had to put it on Michael Jackson :). He sang to me “You Are Not Alone,” and that became the song I’d listen to when I needed to be reminded that everything is ok.
When everything my mom had asked us to do was done, my dad told me to take Robert home. My heart skipped a beat. I knew this would be the last time I saw him for a very long time. The drive to his house seemed too short. The music on the radio was all we heard as we pulled up. I took a deep breath, knowing that this was going to be, by far, the hardest goodbye to deal with.
We walked up the stairs into his appartment, and were greeted by his mom, our mom. I told her I could only stay for an hour, then I had to go. The 3 of us sat in Robert’s room, me and mom crying periodically. Robert was upset, but didnt want to show it. That was fine by me as long as I could spend my last minutes with him in his arms, him telling me everything would be ok.
Gabby was asleep on the couch, I woke her up to give her a hug. I just held her there in my arms, my 5 year old baby sister half asleep. I cried, and I kept holding her, whispering to her “I love you baby girl. Promise me you’ll be good until your big sis comes back ok? I love you so so much.” I didnt want to let go, she was, and still is my little sister. She always will be.
I hugged his mom and we cried for a minute, and I said goodbye. Robert walked me down to my car like he always does, every night when I would leave. Tears streaming down my face, I unlocked the car and put my bag inside. I looked up at him, and I could see the sadness in his eyes. I hugged him, and I didnt want to let go. I cried some more, I couldnt help it. I loved that silly boy. He had no idea how much I was gunna miss him. We kissed, it was sad, but full of passion. In a way it reminded me of our first kiss. Except this was out last kiss… It took all the strength I had to hug him one last time and get into the car. I watched him walk up the stairs to his apartment one last time. I put the car into gear, and drove away one last time.

To Be Continued…

A New Chapter In My Life: Desert Plain- PART 1

After months of happiness on my medication, I am sad to say that I am back and square one. Except, I think I’m at even less than square one. So much has happened, so much has changed. Life as I knew it totally changed in a matter of months. I truely found Christ at summer camp, fell in love, moved 450 miles away from home, and then the love of my life broke it off. Somewhere in the mix I went off my medication, and fell into a deep hole of dispare. There are plenty of things I wish I could change, but maybe writing about it for the world to see will make me feel a little better about everything. Or at least show someone that I need help.
I guess I’ll start with summer camp, since its really the start of a tragic love story.

Last summer, Katie, a youth leader (and also the pastor’s wife) talked me into going to bible camp with the church. At first I didnt really want to go, because of my previous experience at Royal Ridges, a Christian horse camp. Katie started telling me about how fun it would be, and all the cool stuff I would get to do. She even offered to let me be in her cabin, which made me very happy, so I agreed to go. I didnt want to go by myself, so I asked one of my best friends, Krissy, to come with me. At first she didnt want to go either, but I told her I needed a friend to go with me, and she was approved for a full ride scholorship, so she went :).
The day came, and we left toward camp. Krissy and I were SO excited! When we pulled up to the church, my mom didnt want to let me go. She knew she would be missing me all that week, but she was also excited for the experiences I would get to enjoy, and hopefully, the power of God. We said goodbye, and had a couple really long hugs, and into Rolling Hills Community Church we went. When we got inside, we stood around for a few minutes, then Krissy spotted one of her friends. Robert Taylor. They hugged, and Krissy introduced us. At first I thought he was a little odd, but kinda cute. The guy I had a crush on at the time, Grant, was standing near by, and I hoped that we ended up on the same bus. They called cabin numbers, ours and Robert’s were on the same bus. I didnt care really, I was just a little sad that I couldnt spend 10 hours sitting next to the guy I liked. The bus ride out to where the camp was, was extremely long. Krissy, Robert and I shared two rows of seats with one other guy, Robert with the guy we didnt know, and Krissy and I together :). We all slept at one point or another. We took pictures and talked about random things. When me and Robert were sitting next to each other, he stuck twizlers in my water haha. I was so pissed off, but it was kind of funny :). I dont remember much else about the bus ride there, except for the fact that it was about 100 degrees outside, which made it like 120 on the bus. It smelled like a boy’s locker room sometimes, thank goodness the windows were all open.
We arrived at camp, and everyone was in a huge group around the back of the truck with all out bags and stuff in it, trying to find their luggage. Mine and Krissy’s were some of the first to go on the truck, so we were some of the last to get our stuff. We lugged our luggage up the stairs to our cabin, and then off to chapel we went. There, we met Mike, the guy that would be our “speaker” for the week during chapel. He was a really cool, down to earth guy. Everything he said seemed to drill me right in the heart, making me realize things, or making me see how special and important I really am. I had moments were I was so consumed by what he was saying that I actually cried. I loved feeling the presence of God, for the first time, I really felt like he was there.
After Chapel, we went to dinner. I dont remember what we ate that night, I just remember being exhausted and wanting to go back to the cabin and crawl into my bunk and sleep. Everyone was exhaused and stinky from sweat, but I think that night we played a night game. Haha I really dont know how any of us had the energy for a night game, but we did it anyway :).
The second day of camp we got our bracelets, mine was BLUE 11. I dont remember much other than just hanging out. Somewhere in the mix of chapel, quiet time, cabin time, meals, worship and sleep; I swam in a river for the first time, swam in the pool, and just hung out. Robert talked me into swimming in the river, and when he saw me in my new purple swim suit, I was embarrassed and self concious. That was the first day of my healing of body-image issues. Robert told me I looked amazing, and I’m not sure if he saw the scars or not, but either way I felt good about myself.
One day, towards the end of the week, Robert and I were sitting by the pool. I was tanning, and he was lying next to me, pretending to tan haha. He was talking about football and BMX and whatever else. His words, for one moment, mashed together in my ears, and the sun was hitting his skin just right. In that moment I fell in love. Something just…clicked inside of me. It would be the beggining of the greatest happiness I’ve ever known.
At the end of that week, the very last night we were there, we all gathered at the fire pit for the bonfire. Many stood in line to share testimonies and revelations. Many great things had happened that week. Krissy spoke, and Robert as well, but I dont really remember what they said, honestly. Robert was wearing my hoodie, the black and white Fox one when he spoke.
I walked up to the line, feeling compelled to say something. The weird thing was, I had no idea what I was going to say. I wasnt anxious, despite the fact that I was about to get up and talk infront of 200 plus people. What I was about to say, though, would rock my world. I walked up in front, and was handed a microphone. I stood there for a moment, not really understanding the situation. I started with “Hi, My name is Rebekah, I’m with Rolling Hills.” All the people who came with Rolling Hills screamed and cheered me on. I went on, “I realized something this week. I am beautiful, no matter what.” I started to cry, and i realized what I had said, and how my self-image battle was drawing to a close. Friends and cabin mates, and leaders from church hugged me, and told me how proud they were. Some even cried with me, because now I was finally realized what many girls never realize. I am beautiful.
After bonfire, and saying goodnight to everyone, I went back to my cabin and looked in the mirror. I saw a new girl looking back at me, one who loved herself the way she was.
The next morning I was baptised for the first time, by Branden and Katie Campbell, my pastor and his wife. It was a thrilling experience. I had been made new that week, and Robert was right there beside me.
The ride home was a blurr of naps and laughs and memories made that week. This was the start of a new life for me.
To Be Continued….