Why Is That?

I hate those days when you feel like at any moment you might cry. I have those days way too often. Dont you think after 9 months I’d be a little less heartbroken? A little less depressed? If time heals everything… I must need a lot of time. Why is that? Am i different? I think so. Do I need help? Probably. Will I get it soon? Sure. If you call going home for 2 weeks help. I know I do. I think the real question is, when will I get to move back home? Will I ever get to? Probably not. 

Sometimes I really do wonder if this pain and suffering will ever end. I hope it does because I really dont like it. I hate it. Its wearing me down and tearing me apart. I dont like feeling like this. I feel like at any moment I might just go off the deep end. I feel so… unstable or something. 
What doesnt make sense to me is how I can be just fine around people most of the time, but the minute I am in a room or wherever alone, I feel like the world is crashing down on me. Sometimes my heart pounds and breathing gets harder. Sometimes I cant even hold my tears back. Its amazing. I dont even know why or how I can get so upset so fast. Its like I’m holding it all in for the right moment, when I’m alone. My body gets heavy and everything around me just laughs hysterically at my miserable sight. 

Twisted, isnt it?

I just hope I get to go home soon. 
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