The Night Sky

Well, here I am again. Waiting. Waiting for everything and nothing. Waiting for the sun to rise. Waiting to know if I’m going home. I should be asleep. My sleep therapist is going to kill me. But for the last week, I just cant bring myself to sleep when I should. Depression does that to you some times. I am so tired and so worn out right now. Last night was… not the best of nights. I hate being upset. I think I hate it more than most people do, and its because I’m upset more than most people are. I cried and cried like a little baby. It took ativan and nicotine to get a hold of myself and I’m not proud of it. Depression is obviously not an easy thing to deal with, but I caved. Again.
So, last night, I sat and watched the night sky. I was praying that I’d get better or something. The crickets were chirping and there was a light breeze. And me. It was kind of nice, just being able to chill out for a minute and not worry about anything but going to bed when I got inside. I guess I’m just doing the best I can with what I’ve got… I just wish things were better, ya know?
I feel like theres this big hole through the middle of me, where my life, my soul, and my happiness used to reside. Fate took a dagger to me, leaving me scarred and in everlasting pain. I cant fix it. Nothing can except being home where I belong. Its been almost 10 months and I still feel this way.

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