Speak to my heart, God.

Its funny how one day the light bulb flicks on 100 watt style. Everything really does happen for a reason. Everything that happens is to bring you closer to my God and Creator. Even the bad stuff. I have complained about my circumstances for so long that I forgot to question the reason why they happened in the first place. My brain has a tendency to override my heart. My logical brain doesnt want to believe that there is a supernatural reason for my suffering. Honestly, it doesnt make sense when you try to think about it logically. Why would a loving and merciful God allow me to hurt? Why would He allow anyone to hurt? I had to tell my mind to just shut up! My heart knows the truth. ITS ALL BECAUSE GOD LOVES ME! Theres no other explanation that could be better than that one. He is allowing me to hurt because it causes my soul, my very being to draw closer to Him. Thats all He wants anyways, is to love on me and you and every single person that was and is and will be. He wants us to know Him, to put in the effort to really get to know Him. I mean, who wouldnt want to? He is the Creator of EVERYTHING after all. He knows that hurting and brokenness humbles me, causing me to be vulnerable in ways I otherwise could not be. He does not waste my vulnerability, He thinks it to be precious. He uses it, takes advantage of it in the most amazing, holy, and outright beautiful way. He holds me in His arms and speaks to my heart. He changes me. Somehow, I just know I am loved, and that I am right where He wants me to be. When I talk with Him, I honestly cant help but get swept up in His presence. I just know He is right here, in my heart and all around me. I just know, theres no other way to explain it. He whispers to me, “Bekah, I love you.” I dont know how to handle myself in these moments. I am completely awestruck by a whisper. It makes me crave Him more and more everyday. It leaves me hungry for His presence. I cling to Him. Then, I realize thats exactly what He wanted all along. He wants me. Not part of me, or the outer layer of me. He wants all of me, so He is free to mold me and use me exactly how He intended before I was even born. I am convinced that with Him, my life will be absolutely, amazingly, beautifully, preciously, exactly the way it should be.

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