In my last post I challenged myself to be more open with the people around me. I honestly didnt think that I would be able to do it. I dont like talking about my problems and I dont like letting people see the uglier side of me. Its way too stressful and it hurts way too much. It leaves me feeling so helpless and vulnerable. Everything gets to me after I have opened up my heart to someone. I dont know how to let down my walls just to one person for a little while and then put them back up and put my brave face back on. Maybe thats because I shouldnt be trying to clam up again, but being vulnerable scares me to death. I HATE IT. I want to keep all of this ugly, nasty, toxic, unhealthy stuff inside so no one has to see it, but I cant anymore. A very good friend of mine helped me see that last night. She showed me what I am doing to myself by not talking. She helped me realize that I really do need to start taking care of myself, even though I really dont want to try. I am extremely thankful for you, girl. You know who you are. You truly have been sent to me by God to help me get through all of this and clean up the mess that is my life.


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