Just Trying to Survive.

I’ve got my Jackson’s Coffee. I’ve got Pandora open to my Owl City Radio Station and I should be doing my homework, but I’m not. Its 5 a.m. already, and I’m probably not going to sleep tonight.

This past month has been really hard for me. It’s been all ups and downs and crazy last minute left turns. I honestly don’t know how I’m still  surviving, but somehow I am.

I really do have to credit God for getting me through this. He knew what I needed and He gave it to me. I needed friends. I needed a support system. I needed someone to tell me I can do this and hold me when I really feel like I cant. I needed somewhere that was safe, where I could completely be myself 100% of the time.

Most of all, I NEEDED TO LET GO.

I still do, and I am working on it.

I struggle every single day with little things that have made the hugest impact on my life. I constantly struggle with harsh, lingering words from distant times; memories of disapproving looks; and self-inflicted negativity and somehow I keep going. There have been so many times I wanted to just give up on life and hide forever. I’ve tried to just let go of myself and get completely lost in my pain, and succeeded far too many times. If it wasn’t for my loving, wonderfully God-sent friends, I would still be in that pit of sorrow.

If you’ve read this, remember to ALWAYS be thankful for what you have, because ALL OF IT was a gift you didn’t ever deserve. Every smile should be a reminder to you that there really is someone out there that loves you will all of His being, 100% of the time.

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